Ep: #38 - When Life Throws You Lemons, Make Life Lemonade: Handling Difficult Situations Gracefully

Faye Casement Author

Mar 22, 2023 |

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Life can feel real tough at times. We have the general pressures of day-to-day life which can in themselves feel hard to navigate, and it can throw some pretty nasty curveballs our way, and when it does, it can feel hard to keep our head above water.

No matter the size, a lemon is a lemon, and if that bad boy hits you square in the face you are going to feel it.

So how can you rise up and be your best when life throws you lemons?

Someine posted the other day: Share a positive word beginning with the letter of your name.

My first thought was fun.

I just want life to be fun.

This is why I want to help women find more joy in the weight loss process as dieting can feel so miserable when it doesn’t have to be.

It's why I trained to be a life coach so I can help people achieve their dreams, whether it be finding their purpose, changing careers, health goals, or more fulfilment and meaning in their lives I am down for all of that.

Life however can sometimes have other plans and it can feel like day-to-day stuff or big problems are getting in the way of that.

But what if it was not true?

When life gets tough it can be easy to get bogged down and feel like we are stuck in a rut, however, there are always things we can do to change our perspective and make the best of any situation.

It’s what I want to talk about today.

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So let's dive in.

When I say fun, I don't just mean glossing over and applying some fake positivity. True fun is about being real, honest and authentic with myself and my life. It's about allowing myself to feel all the feels, even the tough ones but knowing I can dance in the rain, even when it's pouring down on me. It's about choosing joy, even when life is hard.

Because when we can find joy in the midst of hard times, that is when we are truly powerful. That is when we have found our resilience and our strength.

If you embrace it all, the good, the bad and the ugly, and remember that you are powerful and resilient enough to handle anything that comes your way you can find space for more joy and fun.

So what is coming up for you?

Maybe you have got difficulties at work, with relationships, children, your business, your health goals, worried about the upcoming bill crisis, there is always some kind of lemon hanging around.

Here is my recipe for Life Lemonade:

Got a sour taste in your mouth!

The first step is always awareness. To notice you are sucking a lemon! You have to notice you are being affected. May sound obvious but not always. For starters some people like sucking lemons. It is also possible you aren’t able to recognise fully that either there is a difficulty arising or the extent of it.

Why?

Maybe you have become accustomed to the difficulties and it has become normalised whether this is by you, others or society, to the point where you think it is part of life.

For example, you might be struggling in your job and think that is just how work is, so you deal with the stress and long hours. You don’t see any other option so you just put up and shut up!

Or maybe the problem feels too big or complicated to know where to start so you just don’t and stay in the same place.

Or maybe there is nothing wrong at the grassroots but you need to change your thoughts on it.

Recognising that it is coming up is the first step because once you are aware there is a problem, then you can begin to do something about it.

Identify the Lemons

When we are in the midst of a crisis of some sort our brains often start to spin out of control and we can catastrophise.

Our brains very easily can take the problem and inflate it way out of proportion in our minds. It’s what it is designed to do. It is trying to get your attention by shouting ‘TIGER’ as loud as it can. Usually by giving you the worst-case scenario.

This can leave you feeling scared, alone, frustrated, and helpless to name a few emotions.

Maybe we try to talk to someone about the situation but this can then sometimes make things worse when we try to talk to others about it and just like chicken little start shouting “the sky is falling, the sky is falling” only to feel like we are not believed or that people do not care. This is not always true but nobody will feel that same urgency as you or maybe they do not know how to respond in the way you need them to. We’ve all been on the receiving end and some time or other of a “there are worst things that happen at sea” or a “pull yourself together” kind of comment that makes you feel worse even though the person perhaps means well.  So you perhaps self-gaslight and think you are the problem.

So what do you do?

Check for lemons and tigers!

Check-in with yourself and look to get really clear on what the problem is. What is your biggest and most pressing fear?

So say you are really busy at work. You feel like you are working 3 jobs. You pulling in extra hours, working literally as hard as you can but not making a dent. You know in my world it is all about identifying and working on our thoughts. One of the thoughts that perhaps comes up is ‘There is too much to do. I can’t do it all’.

Squeeze the lemon

What is the real issue here? Are you really worried about the fact it is busy?

Probably not.

At the end of the day, you have more control than you think.

You could quit, you could say stuff it and go at your own pace, you could decide you are not going to care. The point is you may not do these things for another reason, you got bills to pay, a sense of duty etc., but it is important to remind yourself you do have a choice even if one way seems more compelling for other reasons.

Maybe the real reason you are sucking that lemon though is you are worried. 

Maybe you are worried you will let people down? 

Maybe you are worried you will get into trouble? 

Maybe you don’t want to get things wrong.

When you go into flight/fight/freeze it will trigger other thoughts often judgement such as, ‘it should not be this way’, ‘this sucks’, ‘I can‘t do this’ and it adds an extra lemon to the pile. In life coaching terms we call this judgement stacking.

It is perfectly normal of course. Your brain wants to keep you safe. It can see whatever it is, that is making you unhappy, knocking into your well-being.

It is essential to identify the judgement!

Add some sugar and fizzy water

The bases of lemonade are lemons, sugar and fizzy water. I promised though this was not going to be a stick on smile your face, fake it until you make it, positive vibes only, toxic positivity type of coaching and it is not. This said some of these can give you a little relief at a difficult time and a quick win.

I actually spent the day in a tutu the other week, for real. I thought I couldn’t possibly be stressed in a neon blue tutu. It was no miracle cure and it doesn’t get us to the root but it did brighten me up a little bit.

These tactics are fine in the short term. In actual fact, our egos need a certain number of ‘strokes’ a day and it will look for them whether they are positive or negative, it does not care but you will feel the ones it finds so trying to find more positive ones can help. This is where things like gratitude practices, music, meditation, etc can all help.

The big daddy though is working on your self-compassion and acceptance as these help you let go of judgement and suffering so you can step into a clearer place from which to act.

Make Lemonade

So to make the lemonade you are going to have to shake and mix it up.

If you keep going the way you are going you will stay the same, it is inevitable.

What needs to change though is up to you and is something you could explore with coaching.

What can be helpful is to work on your thoughts around it so you can find the peace to make an informed decision.

Three questions to ask yourself:

Is it true?

The first question to ask yourself when looking at the thought is, is this true?

Often when the brain shouts tiger it is not true. Maybe you have had your flight/fright/freeze triggered but maybe when you really look at it, it is not as bad as you think.

You can’t always believe your own thoughts so you have to find space to step into discernment.

This is really about identifying the real truth of a situation.

In this example, you could realise for example that yes it is busy and yes you want to make sure you a serving your clients and do not want to get things wrong but actually the problem is the way you feel. You feel trapped like you do not have a choice in what you are doing. You feel like a victim at the mercy of your to-do list.

Is it loving?

Next up ask yourself is it loving?

We are often the creators of our own suffering. Whether true or not doesn’t matter, you will not feel like ass until you have a thought that makes you feel like ass. Remember that our thoughts, lead to our emotions, lead to our actions, lead to our results. Ass being a technical term of course not an actual emotion. In this case the emotion was trapped. When you recognise your thoughts as not really true but loaded with the judgement you can ease the suffering.

How can I get curious?

Keep mixing and ask yourself what else you could I think, feel, do, do I want from this situation. 

If you are stuck start with the feeling or result you want and go from there.

It is important to remember that language is also important.

The keywords in the original statements were TOO and NEVER.

These are the trigger words of the judgement.

The ones that cause the panic that would make you feel trapped and unable to cope.

So what could you think instead?

• ‘I am busy, but I will get it done’
• ‘I have xxx pieces of work todo’
• ‘My clients value the work I put in’
• ’I get to service my clients who need me’
• ‘I am a bad ass who can do hard things’

The choice is always yours!

Conclusion

When life throws you lemons, it can feel like everything is going wrong. All of a sudden, you are faced with a slew of problems that seem impossible to solve. It can be tough to keep your head above water and maintain a positive outlook. This is where life coach tips like what I have shared today can come in handy. By learning how to navigate difficult situations and working on our thoughts, we can keep moving forward despite the challenges life throws our way.

First, it is important to remember that the lemons life throws our way are not always bad. In fact, they can often be an opportunity for growth. When faced with difficult situations, it is important to embrace all aspects of our lives, good and bad. Remember that we are all human, and mistakes are part of the journey. Don't let difficult situations bring you down. Instead, find ways to work through them and learn from them. Be kind to yourself, and don't be too hard on yourself. Remember that it's okay to make mistakes. As long as you continue to try your best, that's all that matters.

When working on thoughts, ask yourself is it true, is it loving and how can I be curious?

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Categories: : mindset, stress