Ep 93 - Detaching From The Outcome

Faye Casement Author

Jun 07, 2024 |

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to The Wellness 4 Women Show. We've got a juicy topic to dive into today that might just change how you view your entire journey towards health, happiness, and beyond.
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Today, I want to help you to untangle yourself from the "outcome obsession" that so many of us get caught up in. Whether it's that number on the scale, a specific financial goal, or expectations in our personal relationships, our businesses and careers, too often, we find ourselves fixated on the end result.
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This fixation can if left unchecked leads to us sabotaging our efforts as we get so pee'd off that we are not where we want to be that we end up not taking the actions we need to for our success leading to us going around in circles.
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In that scenario, we can forget to live and enjoy the moment and be full of stinking thinking.
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But what if I told you that detaching from the outcome could actually make you more effective, more successful and happier?
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What if detaching from the outcome whilst still keeping it in your grasp is the secret sauce to more peace and joy meaning you reach your goals with greater ease?
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If this sounds like something you want in on stay tuned!
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How Do You Know You Are Overly Attached To The Outcome?

How do you know if you are overly attached to the outcome? How do you know if you are in the grips of outcome obsession?
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Since becoming a coach I have become a massive people watcher. I love nothing more than watching what people do, when they do it, how, why etc. I also with my Triple-A-Way™️ process of course focused heavily on the first A of Awareness to get a deep understanding of myself too.
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When it comes to being attached to the outcome I've seen this play out in my own life and the lives of others. How we can be constantly checking our progress, comparing to others, judging ourselves on output and perceived success and believe me I know how draining that can be.
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If you are working on 'weight loss' are you obsessed with measuring? Calories? Points? How much you weight? The size of our trousers? etc to the point where you are making yourself miserable?
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How about your daily life Are you fixated by the money you spend and earn, your perceived business success, your career, and your relationship goals?
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How do you know if this has all gone too far?
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You know because you feel like crap. You are so focused on the outcome that every small setback feels like a monumental failure. Every time you think about your goals and the fact you are not where you want to be your heart sinks. You don't want to do it any more. You want to quit! You feel inadequate and intensely dissatisfied.
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If this is you, don't worry I've got you and want to help coach you through as it doesn’t have to be this way.
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What Does 'Detaching from the Outcome' Mean?

Now you might be thinking. But if I am not thinking about the outcome, if I am not worried about it and if I'm not focused on it, I won't care enough to do anything about reaching them. I won't feel motivated to try if I don't push myself.
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Detachment doesn't mean not caring about your goals. It's about caring differently.
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Think about it.
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When was the last time you felt frustrated because the numbers on the scale didn’t budge, despite your best efforts? Or maybe you felt disheartened because despite working hard, your bank account didn’t reflect what you hoped it would.
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It’s something I see all the time in my people watching that the gap between our expectations and reality becomes a source of stress and, frankly, misery.
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I always say the gap between our expectations and our reality is where the suffering lies.
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When you're solely focused on the outcome, you're often tied to factors that are outside your direct control.
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Take weighing in on the scale if you do this.
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I have a whole workbook on Scale Drama for a reason in the membership as it is often a source of upset.
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How many times have you thought you have had a "good" week only to see the scale pop out a number that was not what you hoped for and felt the crushing feeling of defeat?
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Sure you can take action steps for your weight loss to give you an increased chance of that number going down but really you have no control over the gravitational pull in that moment. Our bodies react differently to food, we can retain water, and our hormones can go up and down these can all impact the result regardless of the food and movement yet we can spend a surprising amount of our time and energy focusing on that number at that moment in time.
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What then can happen is the disappointment leads to us losing sight of our goals and dreams as we are so annoyed that the scales didn't go down. We can lose, hours, days or weeks trying to get back "on track" after a setback.
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Life and weight loss will throw curveballs. There will be outcomes we are not expecting. By focusing solely on the outcome, we set ourselves up for frustration.
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Detachment is about shifting your perspective to what you can control: your actions and reactions.
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It’s about shifting your focus from the end result to the beauty of the process, the actions, and the daily choices that lead you there.
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By focusing on the process, you can build motivation and moment and empower yourself to take action in a way that bullying yourself over the outcome never could. The energetics are different, it feels different, you will feel different, you will feel better and find more joy in the process.
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You'll then show up for yourself and your goals because you want to. Not because you think you have to.
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Each day becomes about, 'What can I do right now?' rather than, 'Why aren’t I there yet?' This shift not only reduces anxiety but also enhances your engagement with the present moment, so you can take the action steps that will make your journey more meaningful and enjoyable and then lead to the results you desire.
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This is what can help you to build consistency rather than trying to force yourself to be consistent.
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So, why do we cling to outcomes?
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It's partly how we're wired. We're taught to aim for goals, to measure success in tangible results to make them SMART. And while goals are important, and setting genuinely SMART goals does work. When they become your sole focus, you miss out on the growth and the changes that could be happening right now.
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Detaching from the outcome will help you to embrace a growth mindset, where the value lies in learning and living through every moment, not just in reaching a distant finish line.
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The Pitfalls of Outcome Fixation

Let's now explore more the pitfalls of fixating on outcomes, the subtle and not so subtle sabotaging of your progress and happiness. Understanding these traps can help you navigate away from them and toward a more fulfilling journey.
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Trap No 1: 'Tunnel vision.'
You've heard of the phrase I am sure but just in case you haven't this is where you are looking just at one thing. Not looking side to side and just down a long tunnel to where you think you want to be.
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Some might say but what is the problem with that. I know what I want and I am going to get there no matter what. Doesn't matter how I get there as long as I get there. But here is the thing. You could be missing out on opportunities if you do and if this is also all you are focusing on you are missing big pieces of the puzzle.
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Let's take 'weight loss'. You are so preoccupied with hitting a certain number on the scale that you go all in. Consistently, showing up doing old diet ways that you hate but you just want to get to the goal. All you need to do is hit that goal right? But what happens when you get to goal? When you have reached the end of the tunnel and look back? Are you happy with the journey? Have you got to your goal in a sustainable way? What did you miss as you went down that tunnel? What monster if any did you create? Maybe you were so obsessed with hitting your goal that you let relationships falter. Maybe you went about your weight loss in a way that was unsustainable or even bad for your actual health.
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If all you are looking at is the number on the scale you may not notice for good or bad what is happening to your energy levels, your relationship with yourself, your body image, the world around you, and overall fitness which may either continue to be an issue to solve or a victory to also celebrate that you've missed.
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As I am writing this I am thinking about Harry Potter, you know in the Goblet of Fire him and Cedric are running for the Goblet, the hedgerow closing in. All eyes are on the prize. Cedric trips and falls and starts to get eaten by the undergrowth. Harry so fixated on the prize due to the literal tunnel he was running down nearly lets Cedric get eaten by the trees. But actually, he stops. He detaches himself from the outcome and he saves his friend. All be it temporarily in this case. But it really helps me to picture the tunnel vision and how it can feel like nothing else matters in the world but really it does.
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Trap No 2: 'All or nothing mindset'
Another major pitfall is the 'all-or-nothing' mindset. This mindset kicks in when we think that unless we meet our ultimate goal, we've failed. It's either success or disaster, with no middle ground. This type of thinking not only diminishes your motivation but also makes the journey feel more daunting and less enjoyable.
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I want to be clear here that being honest with ourselves about whether we are achieving what we set out to or not is important. Taking full ownership of our actions is critical to our success but just like with tunnel vision, we can lose a lot of ourselves as it often leads to self-loathing and judgement and onto trap 3.
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Trap No 3: 'Pressure and Demand Avoidance'
Final trap, trap 3, stress and pressure are the bed sisters of outcome fixation. Constantly measuring our worth or success by whether we've reached a specific outcome can lead to significant anxiety and even burnout. The fixation can lead to cycle after cycle of negative emotions. Each time we don't see the results we want, our motivation takes a hit, we feel disappointed or frustrated, and it becomes harder to bounce back. It's a loop that feeds itself, pulling us further away from our goals rather than propelling us towards them. This doesn't feel good. Your brain won't like that it will perceive your goal as being dangerous and unsafe. In order to try and keep you 'safe' your brain with then start to try and steer you away from the goal that you are trying to achieve and so the cycle continues.
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So, how do we step out of this cycle? How do we detach from the outcomes and start enjoying the ride?
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Detaching From The Outcome

It's all about shifting your beliefs and mindset. Take time to identify how you want to be, how you want to think, what you want to believe and feel in order to get the outcome you want.
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If you want to keep your tunnel vision, your fixed mindset and stress and pressure you do that this is your life and weight loss, if this is working for you and it feels good keep at it.
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But if you are like me and this feels like crap and that is not how you want to live, let's do something about it and here is some food for thought
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How can you find more enjoyment in the process? How can you feel engaged and driven but in a balanced way? How can you focus on the process not the outcome?
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What mind ninjary do you need to undertake? In the membership, there are tools and support to tap into in order to work through this. Remembering your beliefs, lead to thoughts, emotions, actions and results. We can break into the cycle and change the process and the results. You get to decide and build your own loving unique path.
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Continue to embrace the process this helps you build resilience as it shifts your focus from what's lacking to what's progressing. You’re less likely to feel discouraged by setbacks because your eyes are on the small improvements and efforts, not just the final goal. This resilience can empower you through other areas of life, giving you the grit to persevere through challenges.
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Focus on your daily ta da's work on building sustainable habits you want to do and can enjoy. For example, if you focus is on eating healthy as a regular part of your lifestyle, how can you make this easy, sustainable and enjoyable as then you’re more likely to maintain these habits long-term. These habits will then naturally lead to achieving your goals sustainably, without the yo-yo effect often seen in strict dieting or intense, unsustainable regimens.
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Feel the feels. Get clear on what you are feeling are you feeling stress and pressure? How can you make the journey more peaceful and enjoyable, enhancing your overall mental health which will in terms link to your physical health? Maybe some mindfulness or other modalities such as reiki like I am learning, Belief Coding®️ to release the trapped emotions or EFT.
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Find joy in the little things. Take time to find wins in all you do, to express gratitude to remove the tunnel vision.
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Wrapping Up

Right, that's it folks that is me wrapping up for the week. What are you going to try? Let me know in the chat or comments wherever you are catching this. Members this will be live in your portal later in the week and you can grab your complimentary resource. I have put together an 'Outcome Attachment Assessment' to help you identify if you are in camp over attached or camp don't give a crap or if you have the goldilocks effect of juuuust right.
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Until next week. Bye for now.

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