Ep 87 - You Don't Have To Be Perfect Boo

Faye Casement Author

Apr 14, 2024 |

Hello hello hello and welcome to episode 87 of 'The Wellness 4 Women Show.' You Don’t Have To Be Perfect Boo, Embrace The Journey.

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Perfectionism... ah my old friend I know thy well. Have you ever felt the weight of perfectionism on your shoulders, both in your daily life and on your journey towards well-being?

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In weight loss, do you think you need to 'always' be on plan, 'always' be listening to your body etc else you are failing?

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I have thought all of these, felt all of these.

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The nagging 'shoulds' and 'musts' saying you are not good enough, that you should be doing more, that you must achieve 'perfection' or near as damn it in all areas of your life areas?.

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That used to be me and I know how bloody exhausting it can be. Do you agree?

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But here's the truth... are you ready for it?

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Perfection is an illusion. A mirage. A fallacy. It is nigh on IMPOSSIBLE to achieve.

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Ultimately we are setting ourselves up to fail and to feel the weight of dooooom, over and over again.

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Perfectionism can be a never ending cycle of thoughts and feelings that make you feel like crap and so it could be holding you back and preventing you from fully enjoying life and thus, in turn, it could be knocking into your relationship with food and weight loss.

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So are you ready to ditch the drama? Ready to let go of the grind for perfectionism, to embrace the messy moments, the setbacks, and even the failures, to know deep at your core that they are all part of your growth process and that it is ok

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Coming up, we'll explore the origins of perfectionism, how it impacts both your life and your weight loss journey, and most importantly, how you can break free from its grip.

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Understanding Perfectionism

So what is perfectionism and when is it a problem?

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The Oxford Dictionary definition is 

"a doctrine holding that perfection is attainable, especially the theory that human moral or spiritual perfection should be or has been attained."

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Doesn't sound to bad. What is the problem with thinking that we can be perfect or that we are perfect?

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Let's look at it from another place Wikipedia: 

Perfectionism, in psychology, is a broad personality trait characterized by a person's concern with striving for flawlessness and perfection and is accompanied by critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others' evaluations.

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Ah now we are getting into the issue that striving to be perfect, striving to be flawless can often be accompanied by critical thoughts.

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There is a gift in all we do and experience if we go looking for it. Even the really negative things give us lessons. Seeking to do things well is not a bad thing, wanting to do a good job is not a bad thing.

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Unless.

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It goes too far.

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Unless it gets so ingrained in you that the nagging thoughts and feelings that we must always be perfect, that we should never make mistakes, and that we're never quite good enough take over and become a detriment to our well-being and progress.

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But where does this come from?

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How Your Perfectionism Was Formed

Where did you form the beliefs that you live out today that are running you on autopilot?

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Is it from your upbringing, where you were constantly praised for achieving perfection and criticised for making even the smallest mistake? Or perhaps you were judged in your peer group or through society and therefore feel the need to make up for it today?

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These are old scripts and stories that are running in your head.

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It's helpful to understand the origins of your beliefs because only then can you begin to challenge and change them. As you know I am a coach and Belief Coding®️ Facilitator in training at the point of writing this and so I can help you one of 2 ways I can help you go back and heal the original issues that have led to the perfectionism or I can coach you through how you start in the present to move forward or even both. Both ways are ridiculously transformational.

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For the purposes of today's show though, take a moment to reflect on how these thoughts impact your life - are they serving you or holding you back? Are they fueling your growth or hindering it?

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Has seeking perfection become an obsession? Does it have an icy grip on you and your well-being?

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Awareness is the first step towards breaking free from its grip.

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It may feel overwhelming to think about breaking up with perfectionism. It could be something even you feel has kept you safe over the years as a defense that has been built and it is true as I said earlier that it may well have benefits or have provided you with gifts over the years. This is not about getting you to the opposite state of being where you say fuck it and don't even try it is about bringing the temperature down a notch so it is less all consuming.

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Maybe take a moment to remind yourself that no one is flawless, and mistakes are an integral part of life, of being human and having the human experience. Embracing imperfections allows us to learn, grow, and evolve.

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Perfectionism tends to be about getting external validation but there are alternative perspectives on success and self-worth. Ones that may be more focused on internal validation rather than external measures.

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The Impact Of Perfectionism On Your Life

So tell me in the comments, how does perfectionism show up in your life? Is it one area, a couple? more likely it is all over. It could be showing up in again and again in the very fabric of your being in your career, your weight loss, your relationships, to how you clean your house.

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We can push ourselves to be flawless employees, partners, and parents, often at the expense of our own health and well-being.

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In trying to be perfect we can also actually then be imperfect.

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What if you are so hell bent on appearing perfect that you can't be vulnerable with your partner? What if you are so hell bent on being perfect that you rag on your kids, what if you in trying to be perfect and not feeling like you are you have low self worth so you don't go for the promotion at work or you get paralysed in your business over trying to only put out perfect work to the world that you never actually do it.

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What if you then actually in your pursuit of perfection get to the point where you feel so burned out and so inadequate that you forget to show yourselves any compassion and understanding?

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A grim picture but it is one that could happen. We don't want that.

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Perfectionism in 'Weight Loss'

Now, let's explore how perfectionism could seep into our weight loss journey and also how if we are not careful how 'diets' and working on 'weight loss', and our well-being, can lead to perfectionist thoughts.

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This can manifest itself in your life as thinking you always be "on plan," following ‘diets’ to the letter, and feeling guilty when you dare to indulge in a 'treat'.

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Dieting can lead to creating strict rules and then believing that if you deviate from them, you’ve failed.

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But this perfectionist mindset could be taking a toll on your emotional well-being and ultimately be knocking into your progress as the constant pressure you put yourself under can lead to stress, anxiety, and even emotional eating. As you go on a quest for perfection, you may increase the chance of rebelling, overindulging, and feeling trapped in a cycle of guilt and frustration, the typical ‘diet cycle’

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I talked about the language we use last week. The hallmark of perfectionistic thinking is the presence of those "always" and "should" thoughts.

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But these thoughts are so black and weight in nature that they are not realistic, don’t account for the fact you are human but also often lead to you being unkind to yourself.

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Why do we do this to ourselves?

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Why do we believe that we must be perfect to be worthy?

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It's time to challenge these thoughts and recognise that imperfection is not a flaw; it's part of being human.

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Breaking Free Of Perfectionism & The Never-Good-Enough Syndrome

The thing with perfectionism is that it is a cruel mistress no matter how much you show up for yourself, the weight you lose or how many goals you achieve, you still can’t shake the feeling that your not good enough. Constantly chasing more, bigger, better, ideal, exact.

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Now sometimes we do need things to be perfect or close as damn it, if you are measuring something, if you are a heart surgeon so of course perfection has its place, nothing is intrinsically good or bad it is about perception.

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But when it comes to you and your self worth. I want you to hear the truth.

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You are already good enough.

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You are worthy of love and happiness just as you are and you do not have to be a prisoner of perfectionism. You can break free and ditch the drama in life and ‘weight loss’ that it brings.

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I have a workbook which I will link in the description. So I can tell you are listening (or reading if you are catching these show notes) ha ha if you use the code ‘boo24’ you can get 20% off.

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It has within it a series of exercises you can use to help you ditch perfectionism. Need more support there is the backstage pass membership and 1 to 1 of course through coaching or Belief Coding®️ or combo.

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I have been helping a few clients with this lately and it has been great to see their shifts.

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Going from being paralysed and unable to act, to embracing their journeys. Women stepping into action for their businesses and getting shit done rather than being held back by worry. From being so severely affected by their emotions that they wanted to quit work to taking down the temperature and taking the emotional charge out of life. I am blessed to have been invited into their worlds and to support them in their transformations.

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Round Up

Right, that is it folks, I am going to leave you on that positive note as I am sure you are celebrating my client's successes and knowing that change is possible. These are all ladies who thought change couldn’t happen. Who didn’t know where to begin. Who had tried many things in the past and nothing had hit the mark. They were stuck. Are you stuck? How could tackling your perfectionistic tendencies make a difference in your life? Are you clear where to start do you need help?

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Don’t forget if you are a Backstage pass member there will be a complimentary resource for the show. This one is called “You Don’t Have To Be Perfect Boo” and will help you use the Triple-A-Way™️ Method to identify where perfectionism is showing up in your ‘weight loss’ endeavours and how you can kick that shit to the curb for your success.

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Have a fabulous week all

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Bye for now

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