Ep 86 - Watch your language

How often do you say a sentence that starts with, "I should," "I must," or "I need to"?

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Do you sometimes find yourself saying "I don't know" or "If only..."?

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All perfectly normal words and phrases right.

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I have certainly done my fair share of this over the years but since starting my mindfulness and well-being journey I have changed up the vocab once I realised that these innocent sounding, everyday words and phrases were keeping me stuck!

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Keeping me in 'victim mode' instead of being the 'creator' of my life.

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Today I want to help you get lovingly curious about the words and phrases you use to see if they taking away your power, and leave you super charged and ready to go so you can ditch that life and diet drama.

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The Power Of Words

The earworms are out in full force as I write the show, imagine the Power of Love by Jennifer Rush going full belt but instead of LOVE we have WORDS. There is then an intermingling of Words Don't Come Easy To Me by F R David. Both of course are songs about love and what I would love for you going forward is that you pick your words from love.

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The words you chose to use literally could be shaping your perception and reality. Think about it - words have the power to either lift you up or bring you down, empower you or disempower you.

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When we constantly use negative words and phrases, such as I can't, I should've, or Why me?, we unknowingly reinforce a mindset of limitation and sometimes self-pity. These words hold us back from making positive changes in our lives because they keep us trapped in a victim mentality.

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On the other hand, when we choose empowering words and phrases like "I am capable", "I can figure it out", "how can I..?." or "What can I learn from this?", we shift into an empowered state of mind. These words inspire action, resilience, and growth.

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It's important to recognise that the language we use not only reflects our current state but also has the potential to create our future experiences. Words are not just empty sounds; they carry energy, a vibration and that can not only influence ourselves but also those around us.

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As I said at the start, I've been there, right in the thick of it, stuck in the cycle of "I hate this", "I must do that", I have played the blame game and I have felt resentment and let me tell you, it's not a fun place to be. It's a place of restriction, fear, and frustration.

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As I journeyed through and continue to journey through my own 'weight loss' and well-being transformation, I have seen how the use of words and phrases has had a profound impact on my mindset and actions. But by starting to notice these with curiosity I started to flip the script, My once negative Nancy, stuck in groundhog day life became positive, purposeful, and forward thinking and words have given me the keys to freedom to a more empowered life.

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Let's unpack the weight of some of these words.

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If you are watching live, on replay and there is a comments box drop a comment with regards to any common words or phrases you use and see if any of them match the ones I have come up with.

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Do you recognise them as being disempowering or empowering?

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As a little exercise why not just note down your words for a day or if you can make it a few days or a week and actually see how you are talking to yourself, about yourself, about life, about others etc

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Then lean into how they actually feel.

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The words you use and the feelings they illicit are like little windows to your inner world and what you have going on, on the inside shows on your outside.

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Here is my list:

First up it has to be the 'should' are you 'shoulding' on yourself? Should implies an external expectation, it usually indicates a belief that has been imposed by others or society. It can make us feel like we're not in control of our choices.

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Its sisters are "have to" and "must" which also carry a sense of obligation and they can all make you feel like you are being forced into actions you may not truly want.

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Next up "I need" can imply a dependency on something external for our well-being, when, in reality, we have the power within us. or maybe, it is "I need to..." which is similar again to a must or a should and laced with obligation.

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These are all common words and phrases but they can if left unchecked lead to you feeling resistance and resentment. They also have a tendency to lead to a self beat down and feeling like you are not doing enough. which is often not true.

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How do these feel to you?

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"I must exercise today"

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"I have to stay within my calorie range"

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"I should listen to my body"

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"I need to lose weight"

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Pretty pants right.

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Next up another seemingly innocent word.

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The word "try." These three little letters can be a signifier that there is hidden uncertainty and doubt. When we say "I'll try," often it means we're not fully committing. Let's 'try' these on for size.

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"I'll try harder next week"

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"I tried to listen to my body"

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"I am trying as hard as I can"

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Do you notice how the word 'try' leaves room for excuses or allows us an out when things don't go as planned? It almost sets us up for failure before we even begin as we are really saying to our brain that it doesn't matter. It is the equivalent of a myeh.

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When you are looking back and are doing a curious and kind assessment of your day, it may feel better to say "I tried", and don't get me wrong I am sure you did but actually really you either did do something or you did not and if by saying "Try" it softens it so much that you are not really learning and growing this could be hosing your progress. I am all for giving ourselves grace and for showing ourselves love but actually, it is also loving to be honest with ourselves but that honesty doesn't have to come with judgment and being mean to ourselves.

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Now some obvious ones I guess "Can't" or "Impossible". How does the saying go.. it is not Impossible... the word itself even says "I am possible". Any automatic thoughts such as these could be limiting your possibilities and discouraging you from new things. They can be really telling about your underlying beliefs and as we know if you believe everything you think then that is what will come true.

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"I can't lose weight at my age"

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"It is impossible for me to find the time"

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"I can't be body positive and want to lose weight"

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Nope, nope and nope all not true unless you want to believe them.

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Ones I was very much 'guilty of back in the day especially when playing the blame game were "Always" or "Never". A couple of solid words that can get you tied up tighter than a ducks behind why would you even get as far as trying if always and sister never are in the house. They can feel very true but they can also leave you feeling constricted or maybe they will just shut down your possibilities.

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If you are playing the blame game with someone else they likely start with a 'you' "You always...." do they really always do whatever it is? or maybe "You never...." take the bins out, do the dishes, do anything I want to do. If you can focus on solutions rather than blame this could lead to better outcomes.

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How does this show up in your well-being journey? Maybe they are coupled up all cosy with a ‘have to’ like "I always have to move my body" or perhaps "I never have time to move my body".

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Maybe it is "I will never be able to do x" like "I will never be able to change my body". You are telling your mind it is not possible so then it goes around looking for reasons why it can't happen rather than how it can and this will contribute to your sabotage.

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Next up "Hate". Hate is a strong word, it even feels harsh. HATE!. If this is directed towards ourselves, our journey or something that may help our journey it could be perpetuating negativity and self-criticism.

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Like any of the words do you really believe them?

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If you had spoken to me about vegetables years ago I would have said I hate them. "I hate vegetables" it easily rolled of my tongue without giving it a thought. I believed it was true as clear as the pink hair on my head. Then I realised when doing my thought work how this was an out and out LIE. I didn't hate vegetables at all but I had said it so much, probably started as a kid when maybe I would have said it to try and get myself out of eating them that I believed it. I had gaslit myself into not liking something so I would actually avoid them. I also said the same about exercise. "I hate exercise" also not true, it may not have always been my favourite thing but I didn't really HATE it. Hate is too strong and there are loads of ways I love to move my body. Maybe you say a few of these too.

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There are so many ways we can catch our thoughts and observe with love the language we use.

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Let's end with some more phrases that could be "negativity attracting more negativity," "I don't know," "I wish..." and "If only..." YOU are the creator of your destiny! Everything you need to know I truly believe is in all of us. These phrases can leave us feeling like victims of circumstance rather than creators. What if next time you catch yourself saying "I don't know" you said "If I had to guess...", What if rather than saying "I wish..." you said "How can I..." and what if rather than saying "If only..." you said "I can..."

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These micro shifts have tremendous power and can help you take control with love of your life, 'weight loss' and well-being.

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Putting Two and Two Together With The Triple-A-Way™️

As you will know from other shows I am on a mission to help you ditch life and diet drama, to find food and life freedom and I want to help you to do this with my Triple-A-Way™️ process. I want to help you transform from the inside out and to go to the root of where change needs to happen which is your beliefs and thoughts.

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Everything you do and don't do. The actions, the inactions the results or lack there in are due to your Beliefs and Thoughts. That leads to your emotions, then actions/inactions and results and you can unlock this with the Triple-A-Way™️ and with just three words - Awareness, Action, and Accountability. This framework helps you to break free.

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Let's start with awareness. Becoming aware of the disempowering words you use is the first step to your transformation. It's about shining a light on those words that have been hiding in the shadows of your subconscious.

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Like turning on a spotlight in a dark room. Suddenly, you can see everything clearly. By acknowledging these words, you can start to bring them intoy our conscious awareness. This act alone is incredibly empowering.

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Once you are aware of these words, it's time to take action. This is where you turn our newfound awareness into a catalyst for change. Instead of succumbing to the disempowering words, you can catch them, bin them, change them, and uplevel them for empowering ones.

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For example, when you catch yourself saying "should," replace it with "choose to." This simple shift changes the narrative from obligation to choice. It's a small action that can make a big difference.

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Similarly, when you feel the weight of "have to" or "must," try substituting them with "want to" or "I choose to." This reframing reminds us that we are in control of our decisions.

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And that word "try" that often hides uncertainty? Swap it out for "will" or "I am." When you say, "I will," you're making a commitment, not just a half-hearted attempt.

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Let's not forget "hate." When this word creeps in, replace it with "prefer", "would rather" or "I can" Instead of saying, "I hate exercise," try saying, "I can find an enjoyable way to move my body."

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"I need" can be transformed into "I desire" or "I'm choosing." Remind you that your well-being journey is a conscious choice, not an external demand.

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Now, what about those phrases that trap us in victim mode?

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Negativity attracts negativity, positivity attracts positivity. It's a powerful reminder that our thoughts and words can shape our reality.

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So for those moments when you want to say "I don't know" or "If only..." surface, replace them with "I'm curious", "If I had to guess" and 'How Can I...", and "I'm working towards." These alternatives instil a sense of curiosity in your journey and we all know I loves me a bit of super sleething.

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Then you have the magic sauce that binds it all together as this a continuous process, a conscious choice to live a life of food and life freedom and that is where accountability comes in. It's about holding yourself responsible for the language you use and the choices you make with love.

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Thought Work In Practice

Let's bring back for good measure my hypothetical client Jane. Ah Jane she is all of us and none of us. Jane is a busy working mom in her late-thirties. She has struggled with her views on her body since she had her kiddos. The ways that she used to work on her 'weight loss' just don't work any more. She used to do keto but she just can't back in the swing. She tried Weight Watchers and Slimming World but just felt restricted. She is super busy juggling her career in marketing, and experiencing the all-too-familiar mom guilt when she has to work long hours. She tries to go to the kids clubs, to do the reading, to keep her shit together but she is stretched thin. Luke really really thin. She shoulds all over herself. I "shouldn't" have let myself get like this. I "have to" do more. I will 'never' be 'thin' again. 'Weight loss' is just too hard. Life is too hard. I just want to be able to eat chocolate without gaining 5lb just by bloody looking at it. This sucks. I suck.

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But let's say after listening to today's show Jane does the challenge I set earlier. She starts to jot down and notice what she says and how she says it.

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Maybe she uses the TLC method that I teach to shift some of her thoughts.

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Maybe she grabs a Backstage Pass and starts to dip into all the other tools in there.

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Before she knows it Janeis shifting her language. She starts saying things like, "I choose to make time for my well-being." It was a simple change, but it made all the difference. Instead of feeling forced into self-care, she began to see it as a conscious choice. Jane now actively goes looking for moments in her busy schedule to prioritise her well-being, setting a healthy example for others in her household.

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She goes from thinking "I can't" and "It's not possible." to it is bloody possible and starts saying, "I am figuring it out", "I can achieve my goals" and "It's absolutely possible to regain my fitness and balance my health." She feels empowered and the words fuel her determination. She feels good. She is not taking extreme measures, she reconnecting with her body, and regaining her confidence and mentally she feels stronger and more resilient.

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She notices that work starts to get a bit easier too. The mindset tools she was using in her well-being she starts to use in the workplace. She doesn't feel as frazzled and starts to enjoy her job more. She used to have periods of feeling burnt out but now she feels like she is in control more and more each day.

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Her relationships start to improve too. Those around her start to notice how she is shifting and changing for the better. She is happier. She is enjoying life more as she feels like she is working smarter, not harder yet still moving towards her goals and that feels amazing after years of hustling to try and stay ahead of the curve. She is starting to feel more connected to those around her and them to her as the inner dialogue and outer dialogues are more positive and she starts to notice the ripple this is having which spurs her on more.

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Jane starts to feel more at peace, finds more joy, she feels freeeeee!

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Round Up

Sounds good right!

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I am going to leave you to ponder that and say that brings us to the end of another episode of 'The Wellness 4 Women Show.' I trust this has given you some food for thought about the power your words can have on you, those around you, and your life journey.

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Just imagine how if you could change a few simple things here and there as to how much better you would feel. How would this show up in your relationship with your food, with life, with yourself?

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You have the power right now to decide. Do you from this moment on want to seek and choose words that uplift, inspire, and propel you towards your goals. Whether it's replacing "should" with "choose to," or a "have to" to a "want to" those words can shape your reality.

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If you're ready to take the next step, if you want to be more like Jane, don't forget to check out the description box below. You'll find all the details on how you can work with me through 'The Wellness 4 Women Backstage Pass Membership,' workshops, events, and personalised coaching sessions or Belief Coding®️. There is something for everyone.

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Let me know your takeaways anywhere you can leave a comment. What are you going to do with love and curiosity?

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Until next time, by for now.