Ep 94 - Overcoming The Comparison Trap

Faye Casement Author

Jun 07, 2024 |

Hello hello hello and welcome to the Wellness 4 Women Show.
​
This week, I want to build on that discussion by shifting your focus on your outcomes, to your focus on the outcomes of others.
​
It's all about comparison ... the comparison trap, the old comparisonitis.
​
I totally get it. It’s sooo easy to look around and feel like everyone else is somehow doing better, looking better, or achieving more especially where highlight reels are the norm on social media.
​
Comparison can often lead to 'compare and despair' rather than inspiration. An influx of self judgment, negative chitter chatter and fear based actions and that’s what we are going to tackle today.
​

The Comparison Trap

Tell me in the chat if the same or similar has ever happened to you.
​
You overheard Carol in accounts telling your colleague how she dropped 5lb's that week andy our heart sank?.
​
You saw Joan's cousin twice removed bragging about how she's selling these miracle 'fat burning' pills and all of a sudden they turn you into a supermodel overnight and you've wondered whether you should invest in these medical miracles.
​
Or maybe you're on a weight loss journey with a friend although you are really happy for them it sticks in the throat that they are having more 'success' than you and seem to have skipped the struggle bus that you're on.
​
You ever sat there and thought 'Why is it sooooo easy for everyone else?', 'Why am I the only one who can't seem to get her shit together?'
​
This is the comparison trap at its finest!
​
It’s the subconscious habit of measuring our worth, our progress, our lives against others. It's natural to look around and gauge how we're doing in comparison to our peers. This is part of being human, of evolution really, that was critical to our survival and ability to assess danger.
​
Unfortunately, in today's modern world, the comparison trap can often lead to feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, and self-doubt. It can skew our perception of reality and make us feel like we are not good enough.
​
But what is the truth?
​
The truth is, that everyone has their own unique life journey and struggles they just may not be visible on the surface.
​
You are very lucky if you live a total and utter dream life where you have your shit together 100% of the time, that you don't need to work on your relations with food, that money just grows on trees for you and unicorns frolic in your back garden.
​
What is important is to focus on your own path and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they may seem to you at times in comparison to others.
​
Instead of falling into the comparison trap, try practising gratitude for what you have accomplished so far and set realistic goals for yourself moving forward. Remember that success looks different for everyone and it's okay to take your time to reach your own definition of success.
​
Comparing yourself to others will only hinder your progress and diminish your self-worth. Focus on being kinder to yourself and embracing the journey you're on without comparing it to anyone else's.
​
I know it can be easier said than done sometimes. I've done it. We've all done it. compared ourselves to others, wished things were different. Felt that little stab of pain at the perceived success of others because we didn't feel like things were going as well or as quickly.
​
But what happens then?
​
These thoughts lead to emotion. To the despair, the self doubt, the pages of jealousy that you try to bury down with embarrassment.
​
What then?
​
Maybe you kick into fearful action looking to buy those magic pills, declaring war on chocolate and committing to a gym contact. Or maybe you get depressed, you start to give up on your goals and dreams as they are too hard. You think you'll never make it so you take aback slide and let the great habit you've been putting into place slip. Or maybe you do some mind ninjary, balance your thoughts and continue on your own unique path with a controlled twiddling of the dials with love to increase your chances of success.
​
The latter is what I would love for you.
​
For me, it is not about who is seemingly ahead or who’s got the fastest results it's about taking loving action for yourself in a way you can sustain. In a way that fits you and your life. Sure you want to get to the destination; of course you do, but do you want to really do it in a way that compromises the longevity just because Susan, SAm or Sheila did it that way? I want to focus on growing, learning, and evolving at my own pace so I can sustain it.
​
There is no single timeline for success. Life isn't a race against others; it’s more like a personal trek where the real achievement is in the joyful doing and living.
​
Overcoming Comparison and Enjoying Your Own Journey
Now that we understand the comparison trap a bit better, let's explore the emotional and practical consequences of this subconscious habit.
​
Comparisonitus, isn't just about feeling momentarily down because someone else seems to be doing better. The impact goes much deeper. Emotionally, constantly comparing ourselves to others can lead to significant stress and anxiety. It can make us feel like we're not good enough, that we're falling behind, and this can spiral into feelings of low self-worth and depression. It's tough to feel happy or satisfied when we're measuring our lives against someone else
​
When we're focused on how we stack up against others, we can miss out on important aspects of our own lives. You might skip celebrating your own personal milestones because they don't seem as impressive. Or worse, you might push yourself too hard, trying to catch up, leading to burnout or even health issues.
​
I'll share a quick honest story with you.
​
I can get comparisonitus too. I can get down at the numbers on the scale. I can compare myself in business. To colleagues at work. The general Joe walking down the street. I had years of low self esteem so it is very easy to slip back to that pattern. I have the same thoughts too. It can lead to the grumps. It can show up in my body as fatigue. I can check out on my goals and dreams. This is all perfectly normal.
​
The key here is to decide what to do about it. Stepping into action to try and change it. Seeking to not listen to the mind gremlins trying to make themselves none. To realise I am doing it with Awareness. To then step into loving action with coaching and Belief Coding®️ to release any trapped emotions. To take time to refocus on my goals. The result is I move forward again. My mood improves, the weight starts to lift off my shoulders. I start to take the loving actions again.
​
Sure we can try to avoid the trap in the first place, but we can also recognise when we are caught in and try and get ourselves out of it with support, such as, in the membership or one to one and we can learn from it for next time.
​
​
​

Action Against Comparison

We want to take action against comparison.
​
We want to actively work on identifying it and shifting our focus from comparison to self-reflection and self-celebration. Appreciating our efforts and the unique path we’re on, without the shadow of comparison dimming our light
​
Let's practice gratitude and celebrate our own achievements, no matter how small they may seem in the moment.
​
Did you stick to your realistic plan today? Celebrate it!
​
Didn't stick to it but learnt something and have a new plan? Celebrate it!
​
Ate in line with your bodies needs? Celebrate it!
​
Fell knee deep into a box of chocolates you didn't need but learnt something and have a nija move up your sleeve for next time? Celebrate it!
​
We are working on shifting our beliefs here and action, innovation, curiosity and being your own loving parent can help you achieve this.
​
Be clear on your own personal benchmarks. What are your success markers? What does success look like to you? What does progress mean in your unique situation?
​
And why not take it a step further?
​
Accountability is about regularly reflecting on your journey. Use your planner if you are in the membership to jot down your thoughts, feelings, successes, and the lessons you learn along the way. Look back on your old plans, remind yourself how far you’ve come on your own terms.
​
When you focus on your path, and your path alone you can empower yourself. You move from a mindset of scarcity and competition to one of growth and self-compassion. And that’s where your true progress lies when you’re not looking to others, when you are not going on side quests as a result causing distraction, but just following your own course.
​
​
​

Identify & Explore Your Underlying Beliefs

Let's dig a little deeper we want deep transformation right? Not scratch the surface level awareness that can come back.
​
Why do we compare ourselves to others in the first place? What beliefs are we holding onto that drive this behaviour?
​
It’s time to unpack these questions and then challenge the beliefs that no longer serve you.
​
Comparison for me triggers old beliefs that I am not good enough, doing enough.
​
Whenever you find yourself comparing, ask yourself, when you find your brain telling you that you are not good enough, not doing enough, that you will never get to your goals. Ask is it true? If the answer is yes, what can you change? What loving actions can you take to move the needle? If they are not true? Move to your mind ninjary and look to reframe. What do you want to think instead?
​
Recognise if the mean girl has come out to play and ask her to step aside.
​
Ask yourself is there something else going on? Is this comparisonitus really helpful to you right now or is it hindering you?
​
Often with comparison comes victim mode. Where we close down all possibilities other than the fact we are not good enough, not doing enough, that we don't know enough, care enough etc.
​
The pitty party committee can come out in full swing with bells, whistles and party poppers. But how about we shift from comparison and feeling sorry for ourselves to stepping into learning and seeking balanced inspiration so we can feel free but yet productive.
​
This is where the awareness piece comes back write all of this all the intrusive comparison thoughts as and when they occur and then challenge them in writing. Seeing these thoughts on paper can make them less daunting and easier to tackle. Over time, you’ll start to notice the patterns and can then actively work to change these habitual thought processes.
​
Remember, your journey is about growing into the best version of yourself, not to be a version of someone else.
​

Wrapping Up

As I close out today’s episode, I invite you to reflect on this discussion and engage with us in the Free Facebook group or if you are a member in the Members Only Group. Share your experiences, your challenges, and how you’re working to overcome the comparison trap. If you are not currently working with me, check out the description box.
​
Let's stand side by side. Sisters. Who raise each other up in our successes. Let's hold each other steadfast on our unique journies, with all its ups and downs.
​
I'd love to hear how this episode lands and how you are embracing your own unique path.
​
Until next time see you next week.

​
​

⬇️ Click the picture to save to your Pinterest ⬇️