Ep: #61 Self Talk - What's Love Got To Do With It?

Hello Hello Hello and Welcome to episode number 61 of the Wellness 4 Women Show



Self Talk - What's Love Got To Do With It?

As usual, I have a case of earworms. Whenever I think about self-love I get the Tina Turner song - What's love got to do with it? Running through my brain. Unlike the song, in my book love has everything to do with it. ‘It’ being our wellness and emotional well-being which in turn impacts our 'weight loss'.



We all know of course taking care of our emotional well-being is important, but the going can feel really tough at times if we find ourselves constantly worrying, criticizing and beating ourselves up.



This negative self-talk can lead to low self-confidence, a lack of motivation and an overall negative outlook on life and it can be easy to get stuck in this cycle without even realizing it!



But that is why I am here.



I want to help you tap into how to talk to yourself with love and kindness so you can improve your mental health, boost your confidence and create a more positive outlook on life.



All of this, in turn, will increase your well-being and if you feel better about yourself you are more likely to make choices that serve you towards your well-being and weight loss goals.



So coming up in today's show I'll deep dive into this as we look at why we do this, and what we can do about it.



So let's dive in!



Let me know what your take away are from this episode in group? Leave a #gem plus your comment. Likewise got a question the Wellness 4 Women group is the place to be for community and support.



Super quick intro I am Faye Casement. I believe life and sustainable weight loss go together like a jigsaw. You cannot work on one without factoring in the other. You are unique and so deserve a unique method and I can help you build it. Check the link in the description box to how you can grab your Backstage Pass my new and exclusive membership.



Some pop trivia for you…



Did you know Tina Turner was 44 when she released her first solo album. Which coincidently is my age right now. I know I know I look 21. I just but I do actually look younger then when I was 30. I like to think I am maturing like a fine wine. (even if I do say so myself lol)



Anyway back to TIna, she released her last album in 1999 at age 59, at 73 she was the oldest woman to grace the cover of Vogue, and according to Google did her last performance at 80!



What an amazing DIVA and inspiration!!!



What if Tina’s self-talk though had been ‘I’m too old’, ‘Nobody will want to buy from me at my age’, ‘This is crazy starting out a solo career now’, 'I am way too old for this shit'. She may never have released some of the iconic anthems that I know from my youth.



She must have been (though don’t quote me) either in perimenopause, just like me or heading towards it.



She’d had a very well-publicised difficult past which left her with health difficulties.



And yet she powered through. That is what I like to call an inspirational badass!



The truth is we can learn a lot from Tina and also through the power of music but more about that later.



If you know my back story. You’ll know I am a late bloomer. After struggling with low confidence and self-esteem since I was little, it is only since hitting 40 that I have started to realise my full potential. It was after 40 with perimenopause kicking my ass, a busy life and a stressful job that I 'lost weight' and through that journey finally found what I had been missing for decades. A better relationship with myself, my body and my life and things I had wished for but didn’t even know were possible.



Well as the saying does go ‘life begins at 40!’



But you do not have to wait until 40 and if you are beyond it, it is never too late.



But what if I didn’t believe this?



What if my self-talk at the start of my journey was one of ‘I am too old to start anything new’, or ‘I’m too old to lose weight’ or ‘I won’t be able to lose weight due to the perimenopause’.



I wouldn’t have tried.



My brain would have shut down looking for opportunities.



Negative self-talk is like wanting to open your website browser to search for a flight to the Maldives and only being shown a bus trip to Skegness (sorry skeggy folk love ya really!)



And this is where we are going today.



Looking at how changing your self-talk can open doors in life, including towards health, well-being and 'weight loss'. Adding more joy, more fulfilment and a confidence boost.



Where does the negative self-chatter come from?
So where does the negative self-chatter come from?



They originate from our beliefs. Our inner deep-rooted subconscious. Beliefs that have developed over time, from growing up, our families, experiences in life, people’s opinions and society.



We are programmed to think a certain way and if negative self-talk is an issue for you likely think talking down to yourself is 'just what you do'. Maybe you even try to pass of self-deprecation as humour. Maybe it is but sometimes it is not it is our defence mechanism to get in their first before someone else says it to us.



This was definitely me, I can see this now. Those times I was called 'fat faye' in my early years created a shit spiral of thoughts and behaviours that I only started breaking in my 40s and this is just one event that happened in my life.



Maybe you have experienced similar or have other childhood experiences, such as critical parents, bullying, or other traumas. If you grew up in an environment where you felt judged or criticised those negative messages may have stuck.



We can get influenced by cultural and societal pressures. Media, advertising, and social norms can promote unrealistic beauty standards, success expectations, and other ideals that can make us feel inadequate and trigger negative self-talk.



We can have other experiences which can also fuel negative self-talk. For example, if we have experienced failure or rejection in the past, we may be more likely to doubt ourselves and our abilities in the future.



Mental health conditions: I suffered from various bouts of depression in my teenage years I really struggled, I had post-natal depression and periods of burnout. Negative self-talk can also be a symptom of mental health conditions, such as anxiety, depression, or obsessive-compulsive disorder. In these cases, negative self-talk may be a result of distorted thinking patterns and so it is important to work on these in a safe environment.



It's important to remember that negative self-talk is a common experience for many people and can be normal at times.



However, if negative self-talk becomes excessive or interferes with your daily life, please please please seek the support of a mental health professional as well. Coaching and other modalities are not a substitute for medical help but they can run alongside it.



Whatever you do though you want to work on identifying the sources of your negative self-talk and developing strategies to challenge and overcome it.



You have the power to change your beliefs and the thoughts that they lead to whether it be about yourself, your body, your 'weight loss' or things outside of you, such as, your career, your relationships or money.



Why would you want to channel your inner Tina?
There are many reasons of course that you may want to channel your inner Tina and get your love on especially when it comes to your life and 'weight loss'.



These will all be unique to you and something you could get coaching and support on but things like:



Sabotaging behavior: Emotional eating or giving up on your healthy habits altogether. When we constantly criticize ourselves or believe that we are not capable of achieving our goals,we can feel helpless and discouraged, leading to behaviors that are not conducive to 'weight loss'.
May decreased motivation is the issue Let's face it when we feel like shit and that are efforts are not good enough or that our efforts won't make a difference, it can be difficult to stay motivated and committed to our goals. This is why we want to work on ditching the drama.
Negative self-talk can also increase our stress levels, and we all know stress and the cortisol can bring on cravings.
We can get an attack of the doubts. We then get limiting beliefs about our ability to achieve our goals. When you believe you are not capable of making the changes you desire, it can be difficult to envision a different future and make the necessary changes to achieve our goals.


Life would be less dramatic and happier if we could let some of these go.


So what has love got to do with it?
Self-love to me is the key to combatting negative self-talk and building a positive self-image.



When you practice self-love, you are cultivating a deep sense of appreciation and respect for yourself, which can help you combat negative self-talk and build a more positive internal dialogue.



In the Backstage Pass membership, I cover the 8 Keys to Self-Love.



My personal favourites though are:



Self-Awareness
Self-compassion.
Self-Acceptance


I saw a post by the love Natalie Truesdale self-esteem coach, I hope she doesn't mind me sharing it that said "Self-Love, Self-Esteem, Self Worth there is a reason they all start with 'self' you can't find them in anyone else" Loved that. I am hoping she will be a guest soon on the show.



Because this is true, it all starts and ends with you.



Another quote. This time RuPaul, "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?" also true.



Self-love, compassion, care etc it is not selfish.



If you are the brightest shining version of yourself that you can be in the moment this will only benefit those around you as you shine like a beacon of light.


So how do we work on our self-love and self talk?
There are a few strategies but it is worth a quick reminder of how our brains work:



A situation occurs. (I don't know say you mess up at work)

Your brain based on your unique life experiences (beliefs) and body (physical if applicable) creates a thought about that situation. (I'm a failure everyone will laugh at me)

This leads to an emotion (shame)

Which leads to you taking action or not taking action. (call in sick, get defensive, have argument with partner, eat you face off)

This ultimately leads to your results. (more trouble at work, marriage difficulties, your weight loss journey is impacted)



A situation is a neutral act until you put a thought to it and the thought comes from beliefs that your body and mind believe in that moment.



Those thoughts can either be positive, neutral or negative.



But you can change your thoughts.



This is the power of coaching.



You can also change your beliefs this is the power of coaching and Belief Coding®️



This is where the Triple-A-Way™️ method comes in as you use your awareness to take action and stay accountable so in this case you work on your mind by reframing. New Backstage Members, if you head to your Dashboard there is a new resource on reframing.



Round Up



The time is now to work on your inner critic for you, but also for those around you. You can be the change. To quote one of my favourite book Everything Is Figeroutable by Maria Forleo (#ad):



"You already have what it takes to transform yourself from a passive onlooker to a powerful creator of your own destiny "



We started with Tina and we’ll end with Tina… remember you are - ‘Simply The Best!’

Don't forget the Backstage Pass is open and I will see you on the inside.

Want to get cracking and need some support you know where I am check out the description on how you can work with me.

See you next week!

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Categories: : Weight loss