Ep 51 - Cultivating Confidence From Within Find Your Inner Strength and Radiate It Outwards

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Cultivating Confidence

How You Can Find Your Inner Strength Within and Radiate It Outwards

So you want to be more confident. We all feel lost and unsure of ourselves at times, you are truly not alone! I have been there, I have wobbles. Pop a 1 under the video in the Wellness 4 Women Group if you've ever struggled with your confidence or drop it me a DM and tell me all about it.

In fact, many of us would love to have the kind of confidence that seems to come so easily to others.

But it's not always easy to find that confidence, especially when we're feeling down about ourselves. This can especially be the case for those of us who have had a history of dieting and wanting to occupy a smaller body.

True confidence, however, comes from within, not from being a certain weight or looking a certain way.

It comes from working on your inner dialogue, practising self-compassion and accepting yourself for who you are.

In fact, I actively and strongly encourage anyone who is working on weight loss or who has a history of dieting to also work on self-love and losing weight in a kind and gentle manner. This is why I stand against 'diets;, fads ones especially and anything restrictive.

I have talked about this many times before but the truth is if you do work on your confidence and self love. You can soon find yourself at goal weight and still have all the same thoughts/feelings about yourself as you did when you occupied your original body. This is what diets do not teach us as they only focus on food and movement.

I was talking to my business coach the other day @hannahwalker about why I do what I do and the reasons are this:

1) I want to let as many human beings know as I can that weight loss does not have to be restrictive/miserable and joyless and we can let go of old diets to find food freedom.

2) I want to give other women the tools to build the life they desire too, as this comes from within.

I actually said, if I had never lost a lb and still felt the way I did after my journey I would have been happy. This was so true.

As I covered in episode number 49 it was the journey that was powerful.

As the saying goes... "You grow through what you go through" and boy did I grow through my journey. The method I use and now teach helped me to grow as a human in so many ways it was crazy. I was always great at problem-solving but now I can problem-solve to a whole different level and as a result of this and the inner work, my confidence and self-belief shot up.

So the main advice to anyone listening who wants to be more confident is, do the inner work!

Coming up in today's show:

I'm going to explore how you can start building confidence from within and radiate it outwards into the world. So sit back, relax and let's get started!

Let me know what your takeaways are from this episode in the Wellness 4 Women Facebook Group. Leave a #gem plus your comment. Likewise got a question, the group is the place to be for a private community and support.

So back to Radiating confidence.

I think a common mistake when thinking about confidence is that we have to radiate so much confidence you could literally shine or that it has to be ooozing out of every pore. This may be true for the extroverts amongst us but this is not necessarily who we are or will ever be. Some of us may be more introverted.

I have a more introverted tendency. My daughter laughs every time I say this and says "You're not introverted". She has of course, only seen me for part of my life.

I would say I faked confidence for many years. After being called 'names' as a child my confidence was at rock bottom all through my late childhood, teens and into my twenties. I felt like to get anywhere I had to plaster a fake smile and pretend I felt better than I did and I did this for years. For Years!

This always left me feeling a bit icky, every so often the true me would sneak through and show up in what I was doing like having anxiety about going to parties, worrying when meeting up with friends etc.

It got a bit better when I got married and had my daughter as I started to feel like I belonged somewhere but even then my lack of confidence and not really knowing who I was took its toll.

Then came divorce and dating. Wow ... that was a roller coaster for the confidence!

But again you go through what you go through and that journey really started to help me come into my own as I started to figure out who I really was and who I wanted to be.

Nowadays though I am in alignment with my confidence level.

I have genuinely grown in confidence but also have the self-awareness or the tools to identify at least when I am in a situation that I find uncomfortable or is outside of my capabilities at that given time and that is OK. I don't have to fake being ok anymore.

Anyhoo, enough about me!

So what is confidence really to start with?

Well, I would say the answer is quite a personal one so I will ask you... Watching this live in the Wellness 4 Women Group or on YouTube when it is out leave me your thoughts.

What do you think confidence is? What does confidence mean to you?

Do you consider yourself to be a confident person?

What would you like to be different?

We could dive into this in loads of detail if we were coaching right now... so good! So transformational!

So how do you build your confidence?

The one simple thing you can start doing right now is to be aware of your internal dialogue. It really has become second nature for me and if this feels alien, don't worry! It is super simple to learn and doesn't take long to get the hand of.

It is also not as scary as you might think too.

Start with Your Inner Dialogue

The first step in cultivating confidence from within is to start really listening to your internal dialogue and take control of it.

We all have that voice in our heads that sometimes tells us we are not good enough!

Looking to actively work on your thoughts is a powerful, a truly powerful thing.

When I started my journey I scoffed that I didn't really have 'thoughts' that I was 'happy'.

Remembering here, I had faked the smile of toxic positivity for years and it was well and truly plastered on my face at this point, to the point as it turns out I didn't even know I was doing it.

I had buried my feelings so deep I was in denial!

The thing is though the reality was different.

Those thoughts were still there, eating away at me from within.

Once I started really listening I was shook! I was so suprised at what I was hearing. It was no wonder I felt like crap!

When I really heard them and recognised what they were, 'thoughts' and really started to question if they were true. Everything started to change. Instead of listening to them and believing every single thing I thought about me, others and life on auto pilot without question a huge fog started to lift as I began to see the light, the truth about how my brain worked.

I now have various coaching skills and tools to pick through and shift my thoughts and when I get stuck I get coached to move me forward again.

My favorite is what I call my TLC method. Ask yourself is it true. Ask yourself is it loving. Then get curious about what else you could think.

So what else can you do to build confidence?

Practice Self-Compassion & Acceptance

Another game changer.

When it comes to building your confidence, it is so important to practice self-compassion. This means being kind and understanding with yourself when things don’t go as planned or when you make mistakes.

It was truly embracing Self-Compasion and acceptance that moved the needle in my weight loss and this is where the true food and life freedom comes from.

It means being kind and gentle with yourself on both 'good' days and 'bad' days, ideally not labelling in the first place, there are just days!

No matter what happens throughout the course of the day or week. Remember that everyone has flaws and weaknesses - what matters is how we choose to cope with them and move forward anyway despite them.

When we practice self-compassion rather than dwelling on our imperfections, it helps us take ownership of our life instead of letting our circumstances control us.

I know over the course of my life there had been countless times, especially working on weight loss when I had been mean and disparaging about myself. Countless sleepless nights allowing my brain to tell me how rubbish I was and just letting it do it.

I would happily make a self-deprecating joke, Accepting I was the butt of my own joke and hoping people would laugh with me, not at me.

I've seen a few posts this week and been in a few conversations where people are talking about how they look, what they have eaten, how they need to stop eating and lose weight because they are a pig or that they are one pie away from being classed as a roundabout and it doesn't make me smile it makes me sad. Sad because they perhaps are hurting, sad because occupying a larger body should not be the butt of a joke or something we call ourselves names over.

I get it I used to do the same but now I try to talk to myself with love.

Making self-deprecating jokes may seem like an harmless way to make light of your flaws or shortcomings, but it can actually have a long-term negative effect on your confidence and self-esteem. Self-deprecating humor can be a sign that you're not comfortable with who you are, which can lead to low self-worth and a lack of confidence.

Essentially what you are doing even with humour is fueling the fire for your inner dialogue to believe.

As the quote says on the slide if you are watching the video:

"You Are What You BELIEVE Yourself To BE!"

Surround Yourself With 'Positive' People:

It is often said that we are the sum of the five people closest to us; this statement could not be truer when it comes to developing confidence.

Our closest peers and mentors are those who can help shape our minds and positively influence our outlook on life. By surrounding ourselves with people who radiate positivity, lift us up rather than tear us down and remind us of our worth, we are more likely to feel confident in ourselves and our ability to make a difference.

So seek them out. Seek out the people who inspire you when times get tough and remind you just how capable you truly are!

A word of caution though, beware of the comparison trap!

There will always be someone further on than you, achieving what you wished you could. Having something you wish you had.

Comparison can be a distraction from working towards your own goals which could in turn lead you further away from where you want to be in life!

Recognise if you are triggered. Get curious and explore that in journalling and coaching and use it to spur you on, to inspire you not to get you bogged down in despair.

Your journey is unique.

You are exactly where you need to be right now but you write your future.

Celebrate your accomplishments and wins!

It's important to remember that no one else can provide us with the confidence we need - it must come from within first.

This is why in the Triple-A-Way Process we look to gather wins and look to celebrate daily accomplishments!

No matter how big or small this helps build momentum and reinforces the belief that you are capable of accomplishing even more.

It is important to give yourself credit where credit is due.

Each victory brings you one step closer to reaching your ultimate goal and this is not to be sniffed at.

Each time you show up for yourself with intention and do what you say you were going to do celebrate the feck out of it!

Every single damn one of them.

Made your bed... celebrate it!

Cleaned your teeth.. celebrate it!

Landed a deal... celebrate it!

Stuck to your food plan... celebrate it!

Look out for a future episode all about celebrating wins as well as one about failing forward.

Conclusion:

The journey to building confidence is a personal one and can take some time. It’s important to recognize that it’s OK if you don’t feel confident 100% of the time - this is normal!

However, by taking small steps each day towards cultivating self-compassion, controlling your internal dialogue and surrounding yourself with positive people, you can begin to feel more confident and empowered in no time. You don't have to be a certain weight or look a certain way - you already have the power within you to be confident and love yourself just as you are.

Don't let anyone else tell you that you don't deserve to feel confident.. even YOU!.

You have the power to take control of your life and start working on building self-confidence today. Believe in yourself and make it happen!

As usual, want to really make sure you are getting the benefit out of these videos then don't forget to leave your #gems in the Wellness 4 Women Group.

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Categories: : Weight loss